Reasons and Excuses

I'll soon be posting several things, i know it's been a bit of a wait but being a senior entails lots of actually doing homework so i graduate. Ill be posting a few bio's for character's I've made myself as well as reviews for established comic characters i have no right to judge in any way. Patience is a virtue, and impatience is deadly.

Jubilation Lee: X-Woman of the Year

M-Day. In and of itself this arc could constitute an article for this blog, but it is only a supporting role, an explanatory piece of the puzzle as to why one of my favorite characters of the X-Men titles, my second favorite of the mutants, has lost her power. I speak, of course, of Jubilation Lee; once known as her X-Man moniker “Jubilee” but now resigned to being the New Warrior known as “Wondra” she seems to have fallen far from her power of infinite possibility, as Emma frost called it, to a simpler role as super tutor in heroism.

Once a mutant with the power to expel tiny firework-like puffs of light she called “pafs” and cause an explosion inside them at a molecular level she soon learned to cause these explosions in almost anything, once even combusting the clothing of a guard to make an escape, she is now resigned to more cliché powers; superhuman strength, limited invulnerability, and flight-assisting disks. Jubilee once had the unlimited potential to be one of the most powerful mutants ever, exploding the atoms of anything leave possibilities without end, but the Scarlet Witch saw to it that she had her future ripped from her hands and thrown into limbo.

M-Day robbed all mutants of their astounding powers, altering their very genes, but it also took away their identity, their sense of community. They had, for so long, been united by their need to survive the onslaught that the Homo sapiens had begun upon the Homo Magnus, but with the loss of their powers they could actually blend into society. No longer was it a two-sided war, the harsh no man’s land had been cleared of some of its barbed wire, a few mortars stilled their shells on each side, and the trenches no longer seemed so deep, so some of the mutants naturally formed a gradient into the norm, leaving the home front open to attack.

Jubilation, having grown up a rich Asian-American girl, had her parents torn from her by the assassins called Reno and Molokai, and was forced to live by whit and will in a shopping mall in Hollywood. She has a naturally acuity for gymnastics, which aided her in stealing food to survive, and she’s got good hand-to-hand skills, which Wolverine later honed even further, and is both street- and book-wise.

If haunting the temporary Outback base of the X-Men was Jubilee's way onto the team, her linchpin was saving Wolverine from the torturous Reavers. She cut him down and nursed him back to health, earning her the right to fight with the best of the best on the good guy's side. Going through stents with almost every X-Team Jubilee is truly a mutant of all trades, and a respectable fighter in pretty much every way. Whether she’s standing in a yellow trench coat and denim shorts or the Wondra get-up, whether she’s causing molecular explosions or bench pressing a freight train, Miss Jubilation Lee gets my vote for X-Woman of the year.

But seriously, Marvel; powers, she deserves ‘em. So make with the creative solution, some science experiment, hell, let her make out with Quicksilver and his healing touch for all I care, just the Jubilee Paffing again.

John Constantine: Blue Collar Warlock

Who has so completely captured the minds and souls, often literally, of comic book readers and occultist devotees than British Warlock John Constantine? Nobody; that’s who. From his early days as a magical consultant to the Swamp Thing in his ever turbulent saga, to the days of Mucus Membrane, to the battle against The First of the Fallen, John Constantine has done what needed doing with an arrogant smile on his face and a heartfelt “fuck you, wanker.” on his lips. Constantine believes, very harshly, that everyone will eventually falter, that Hell claims at least a few fleeting moments in every life.

Hounded by the Holy and Unholy alike, his whole life, even before he was born, and he shall be until someone claims his soul, Constantine has been wheeling and dealing, often backpedaling and double dealing, with the biggest and baddest of mythology, religion, and every sin on earth, since he cursed his father to waste away and ran from home. Drawn into a pocket universe where the Super Heroes of the world seem to have simply faded into nothingness, Constantine was conceived of "really good ideas... about serial killers, the Winchester House, and... want[ing] to draw Sting in a story." says creator Allan Moore.

Having strangled his twin brother with his umbilical cord while they were still in-utero, Constantine literally started out life with a bang and a body at his feet. His mother, Marry Anne, died while giving birth, which left Constantine guilt-ridden his whole life long, and his father blamed him for the loss until John cursed him to waste into nothingness. John and his older sister, Cheryl, had to move from their fathers Liverpool home to their aunt and uncles home in Northampton because their father was arrested, in a drunken stupor, for stealing a neighboring woman’s underwear. With a childhood so riddled with cloak and dagger family matters, so chock full of bad parenting, is it any wonder one of his earliest acts of magic was to round up all of his childhood innocence and vulnerability and pack it into a box just to be rid of it?

John has dealt with the power players of England, America, Heaven, Hell, and every other place rational human’s fear; he’s fought Angels, Demons, Gangsters, and the occasional over-zealous groupie. I say Hellblazer is not only a great comic, but something akin to a warning, a foretelling of things that may yet come, and I beg you all to heed it and read it.

Spider Jerusalem: God-King of the Journalists

One of the most iconic figures of all of comic book-dom is based on one of the best, most interesting journalists every to shoot for the Truth. I speak, of course, on Spider Django Heraclitus Jerusalem being based on Hunter Stockton Thompson. Thompson was a wonderful man and journalist in his own rights and his passing is a great loss to the world, but he's not the base or subject of this particular excerpt. Spider Jerusalem, the mere name conjures images of a man gone mad with reality overflows and too much truth, but the character is so much more. Mad with his righteous fury, unstoppable in his search for The Truth, human only rarely, and the best journalist ever, Spider Jerusalem believes in nothing but pure truth and telling everyone to fuck off. His Gonzo style and sordid background make him perfect for “monstering” political figures like his one-time nemesis, The Beast, or his begrudging-candidate turned evil dictator, The Smiler. Quoted as saying “Every law that curbs my basic human freedom; every lie about the things I care for; every crime committed against me by their politics; that what's makes me get up and hound these fuckers, and I'll do that until the day I die... or until my brain dries up or something.” Spider is a fierce believer that anyone with power is evil and anyone that put them there is an idiot. Spider has taken down political figures like a sniper takes down slow soldiers, in one case he caused six of them to commit suicide over the phone in one day, this event came to be known as the Prague Telephone Incident.

Growing upon the docks with drunken crazed parents Spider has a hazy-at-best past, even citing to have been a stripper at 8 and a prostitute at some unknown point, as well as stating his that as a child “I wanted to be a sniper when I grew up. Didn’t everyone?” His father was a bus driver, his mother a “house” wife that cooked lizards for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Spider, at one point, returns to the now-empty and burnt docks, vowing to never forget his life there. Spider’s life is mostly unknown, but its guaranteed to be riveted with crazed people and interesting times, as is alluded to in the quote “There was a time when I liked a good riot. Put on some heavy old street clothes that could stand a bit of sidewalk-scraping, infect myself with something good and contagious, than go out and stamp on some cops. It was great, being nine years old.” Who wouldn’t want THAT upbringing?

Spider’s instant success as a journalist and writer didn’t inflate his ego nearly as much as his wallet, but it did make him furious. Spider hated that the very people he was insulting in his works were eating it up like so many sautéed lizards. He eventually gave up on hating them and left for a mountain retreat, much in the image of Hunter S. Thompson, except that on Spider’s return, forced by his book editor whom he still owed two installations, he lost most of his hair to a malfunctioning cleaning unit. Spider is self-righteous and wants everyone to know it; he flaunts his success, coupled with his attitude, by saying things like “Hi. I’m Spider Jerusalem. I smoke. I take drugs. I drink. I wash every six weeks. I masturbate constantly and fling my steaming poison semen down from my window into your hair and food. I’m a rich and respected columnist for a major metropolitan newspaper. I live with two beautiful women in The City’s most expensive and select community. Being a bastard works.”

Spider doesn’t function normally, by any standards; he writes on riots from strip club roofs, he antagonizes everyone he comes into contact with, his only pet is a two-face, three-eyed, two-mouthed mutant cat that smokes more than he does, and he strictly orders his assistants to taking up smoking and cancel out the effects by taking anti-cancer drugs. Spider’s newspaper editor, Mitchel Royce, is of the constant opinion that spider “needs to be hated in order to function.” And so far he appears to be right.

Everything from his hatred of humanity, to his insane childhood, to his beautiful and deadly assistants, to his sociopathic ranting and borderline-schizophrenic public actions make Spider Django Heraclitus Jerusalem a wonderful journalist and embraceable character. Yes, I know Transmetropolitan is no longer in print, but that doesn’t mean I’ve got to give up on that most wonderful of pseudo-human characters, nor does it mean I can’t take a page from his book and tell anyone that says the comic doesn’t fully deserve resurrection to fuck off.